NO MEDAL FOR 1ST PLACE
1 MINUTE
A WOMAN AT THE NIKE WOMENS MARATHON WITH THE FASTEST TIME DID NOT WIN FIRST PLACE
A FIFTH GRADE TEACHER FROM NEW YORK…ARIEN O’CONNELL POSTED THE FASTEST WOMENS TIME IN THE RACE BUT DID NOT PLACE FIRST BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT SIGNED UP AS AN ELITE RUNNER. ELITE RUNNERS ARE GIVEN A TWENTY MINUTE HEAD START
O’CONNELL…WHO BURST INTO TEARS AFTER HER BEATING HER BEST MARATHON TIME BY 12 MINUTES WATCHED THE AWARDS GIVEN OUT NOTICING SHE HAD BEATEN THE FIRST PLACE WINNER BY MORE THEN 10 MINUTES.
ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR OF THE LONG-DISTANCE PROGRAM FOR USA TRACK AND FIELD JIM ESTES SAID THE THEORY IS THAT, BECAUSE THEY HAD SEPARATE STARTS, THEY WERE NOT IN THE SAME RACE
O’CAONNELL IS NOT BITTER THOUGH…SHE POSTED HER BEST TIME EVER, ENJOYED A WEEKEND IN SAN FRANCISCO AND GETS TO GO HOME WITH A STORY TO TELL.
1 comment:
You've given me a hard news lead, not a broadcast lead. With broadcast, you need to get people's attention and introduce the story, then give the 5W-1H info.
P2: Instead of ellipses, use commas or dashes: A FIFTH GRADE TEACHER FROM NEW YORK, ARIEN O’CONNELL, POSTED THE FASTEST WOMENS' TIME
...A 20-MINUTE HEAD START.
Use shorter sentences:
O’CONNELL BURST INTO TEARS AFTER SHE REALIZED SHE'D BEATEN HER BEST MARATHON TIME BY 12 MINUTES. BUT AS SHE WATCHED THE AWARDS BEING GIVEN OUT, SHE NOTICED SHE HAD ALSO BEATEN THE FIRST PLACE WINNER BY MORE THAN (not THEN) 10 MINUTES.
Skip the exceedingly long title for Estes -- just call him a "race official."
12/15
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