Fire
No smoke detector, third-degree burns. A fire, yesterday in San Jose, left Robert Kent,50’s, in “grave condition” at Valley Medical Center according to the supervising nurse.
San Jose Fire Captain Rob Piper told us that at around 3 p.m. firefighters entered a burning single-story home on Annapolis Way and found Mr. Kent in the kitchen floor, unconscious. Piper also said that the fire appeared to have started in the kitchen, spreading to the attic allowing smoke to engulf the entire house.
The cause of the fire is still under investigation but no smoke detectors were evident and, according to Captain Piper, Mr. Kent had 2nd and 3rd degree burns over 50 percent of his body.
1 comment:
OK, make believe you're the reader and you've got a choice:
You could either read a story about 1) a guy in grave condition after a fire...or about 2) firefighters rescuing a man from his burning house after finding him unconscious on the kitchen floor, surrounded by flames.
Which story would you read first? I think most people would go for #2. So should you.
...Rob Piper told us? Who is "us"? You're not writing for broadcast here, so "you/we" don't belong in the story.
AP Style calls for use of the person's last name (w/o "Mr.") after the first reference.
I wouldn't put the smoke detectors and Kent's burns in the same sentence.
7.5/10
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