A high-pressure gas rupture shut down business and traffic South of Market early yesterday afternoon. The punctured pipe shut down, roughly, a four block area and required at least 100 people to evacuate.
A private construction company, according to a PG&E source, punctured the gas pipe with a backhoe while trying to repair some sewer lines. Traffic was at a stand still, in an already heavily traveled area, caused by the police blocking off the area. Neighborhood residents, business and their customers who were vacated from the area were upset by the disturbance. Carlann Lauria of Crocker's Lokckers, a self-storage business in the area, said about her customers,"They were pretty irate." Employees of Crocker's Lockers had to go out past the police perimeter to find their customers in order to receive payments. Samantha Feldmen of Wa-Ha-Ka restaurant, located on the corner near the gas line, said she lost upwards of 500$ in business due to the rapture. Gas was turned back on at 5:09p.m. last night.
1 comment:
Good opening sentence! Nice alliteration on "punctured pipe" but it's a bit repetitive. Instead, say something like: Police closed a four-block area and evacuated at least 100 people. This tightens it up and gets rid of passive voice.
P2: I'd put the attribution (PG&E source) at the end of the sentence. Here it interrupts the flow.
...at a standstill (noun) vs. traffic stood still (verb)
Break up that long second paragraph into 3-4 graphs. Make each quote its own paragraph.
Tighten it up. When you've got it written, go back through and try to cut any unnecessary words, combine sentences.
For example, instead of saying "Neighborhood residents, business and their customers who were vacated from the area were upset by the disturbance," you could say The evacuation left many eighborhood residents, business owners and their customers upset.
By the way, good job using that sentence to transition from the lead/P2 to the quotes.
Proofread!
Lokckers? (sp)
$500 not 500$
5:09 p.m. or last night, not both
8.5/10
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